How much

Just when I was in a tragedy, I pondered:

How much pain does it take to really break me apart?

Of course, I’ve been broken a lot of times already. And every time it happened, I really tried to give up. If I were to count the number of times I spouted ‘I give up’, the amount would slightly exceed the number of months there is in four years.

That’s how she made me crazy.

That’s the problem of loving someone so much. If you really love a person, you’ll always think that it’s your fault no matter what. Even if they break you, you can’t blame that person for anything because your heart doesn’t allow you to do so. Consequently, you’ll only see how perfect that person is in your eyes, and you will go back again to loving that person again. It’s a cycle of breaking and mending. And it’s all in your mind (and your heart). Well, maybe it’s just in my case.

So, how are you going to fight this battle where you’re bound to lose? How are you going to fight against your strong feelings where you have kept inside for so long? How are you going to NOT think of someone that has been in your mind for every minute? How can you avoid smiling every time you see the person that you like? How can you stop loving someone that you love so much? If you understand all of this, it’s that hard.

Even if you’re on the road of moving on, seeing a single picture of the one you love could spark another grueling battle between your mind and your heart. The memories will flood again, and your feelings will tightly grasp your heart, making it skip a beat. The feelings will then slowly crawl into your mind, trying to make you recollect memories you had.

But you have to resist.

You have to divert your thoughts into something else. But it has to be something that could overpower your feelings. It has to be more powerful than the last. Distracting yourself can be an easy way out, but it’s only temporary. Your original thoughts will go back to you after you get distracted. But don’t worry—

It’s going to be okay. No one ever said it’s going to be easy.

It could take much time. It could take you years. You can only conquer your past feelings when you already get numb to it. But it’s a sad road you’re going to take. However, the other thing that could save you is someone that can overpower your past. Someone that you think is better than the last. Someone that could finally fix you. Someone that could make you much happier than before. Again, you can’t find that someone immediately. It’s going to take time. Take a rest. That person might have been your whole world before, but you’re not in his/her own world anyway.

All you need to have is the courage and the strength to let go.

^^ I should tell this to myself -_- ^^

So, “How much pain does it take to really break me apart?” I never answered this question. I never knew how to measure pain. Maybe it’s a lot? I honestly don’t know.


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