Desperation

My philosophy class taught me that running away from your fears will never help you in solving your problems.

And here I am, running away. I’m still scared.
I’m lost.
I’m bothered.
I’m shaken.
I’m afraid I might lose my fight even before it began.

I’m not the kind of person that grows numb from experiencing pain repetitively. It’s not how it works for me. It’s as if my heart is still whole and fragile every time before it breaks. And it’s the same amount of hurt every time.

And I’m afraid that I’ll be hurt again.
But that doesn’t matter.
I don’t want to be too patient. I also don’t want to rush. In the first place, I don’t even know if it’s still worthy to go on.

Uncertainty and doubts. They have been haunting me since forever.
You know, it’s like walking in a middle of a minefield. You know you have to find your way as soon as possible, at the same time knowing every step can lead to your doom. The only thing that could save you is the person knowing what should be your next correct step.

And of course—
When you’re that person, you’d become desperate.

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