No one responded. As I felt the harsh, cold wind brush upon my skin, I shivered
while I pressed the redial button again.
Still, no one responded.
I stood by the door outside the building where I’m working at, and shrugged off
the snow on my shoulders.
I slipped my phone into my pocket and started walking towards the parking lot.
It was really cold outside, mainly because it’s in the middle of winter season.
Like the freezing weather, the way my girlfriend, Anya, treats me is cold too.
Things haven’t been going well between us since we learned about her worsening
condition—leaving her with a few months to live. It was a terrible shock for us
after she passed out once and sent her to a doctor, only to know that her days are
But the thing is, I love her.
I don’t want to give up. I will stick with her until the very end, believing in
that very small chance that she might still live on.
As I reached my car in the parking lot, my hand felt like it was freezing from the
cold air, and it took me immense strength to even pull the door handle. After
completing such a near-insurmountable task, I widely opened the door and went in.
Then I took my phone from my pocket and called her again.
“Hello?” A familiar voice emerged from the speaker.
“Is your sister there, Macy?” I spoke.
“Oh—Anya? She’s asleep. Uhm… I think you should visit her sometime, even though
she tells you not to.”
“Hmmm. Yes I will. I’ll find some time this week when I’m not busy.”
“Really? Tell me when you’re coming, alright?”
“Sure thing. I will be going now. Send her my regards.”
“I will, I will. See ya!”
“See you, too.”
As I softly threw my phone onto the empty front seat, I found myself smiling so gently. I knew, that even though it’s just a little bit, my hopes are up knowing
that I would see her again after some time.
A busy week passed, and I went to her house after work. I knocked on their door,
and I was surprised that it suddenly opened.
It was Macy.
“Haaaaalloooo! I saw your car from inside, so I became eager to open this door for
you~”, she said playfully.
“Well, thanks… I guess. Anya’s here today, right?” I responded.
“Uhm, you see… She was a bit surprised just now after she knew you were coming,
so don’t worry. I hope you can settle some things with her later.”
“I hope so. I’ll be going to her room now, is that okay?”
“Sure! Go on.” She said as she walked back to their living room.
While I walked up the stairs toward her room, I felt somehow uneasy. In fact, I
have no idea what to say to her. The only thing that came to mind, is that I love
her, and I’m not going to give up on her. I knocked on the door, took a deep
breath, and twisted the door handle. The image that I saw was something utterly
beautiful yet painfully depressing. A pale, emotionless girl, lying down in bed,
looking at the cloudy, gray sky, is what I saw in front of me.
“Anya…” I muttered.
“Why are you here?” she said slowly, but with harsh intent.
I—didn’t know what to say to her. Yet, my mouth spewed out words without me
“I’m here to help you, Anya. I’m sorry I was busy a few weeks ago, that I didn’t
get to visit you.”
“Didn’t I tell you not to visit me again?” She spoke intently, as she faced me
with a frown on her face. “You should be living your life, and not going here to
do just nothing!”
“What do you mean? I’m not giving up on you, okay? You will heal, I promise.”
“Don’t promise things that are impossible! Stop it! Just—just go away from me!”
“You know I can’t do that! I love you, Anya. What should I do, to make you happy?”
“Go away from me.” she muttered, while facing the window again.
A long silence filled the small large room. Suddenly, I asked her,
“Anya… Do you still love me?”
She did not reply. She kept facing at the sky, seemingly unfazed.
“I will visit you again, okay?”
I left the room and went down the stairs, seeing Macy with a saddened face.
She spoke, “I heard both of you shouting for a moment there, is everything okay?”
“Uhhhh… Things are still the same.” I frowned. “Don’t worry, I will be visiting
again soon. Call me if anything happens, okay?”
“Sure thing. I will try to calm her down later. Sigh, I hope both of you will be
She made such a cute frown, like a child’s, even though she’s just a few years
younger than me. I patted her head and said, “Everything will be okay. Let’s just
hope for the best.”
As I went outside the house, I saw her looking outside, wearing the same
emotionless face as the one I saw when I went in. However, she did not look back
at me. I went to my car, and drove home, gritting my teeth in regret.
Months passed and everything was the same. However, her condition worsened. She
couldn’t walk anymore. Her legs finally gave up on her. I kept visiting her week after
week, sending her flowers, sweets, books, music albums—all those things which she
loved when we were still madly in love with each other. I kept telling her that I
love her, and she kept on telling me to let go.
It’s already summer. The sweltering heat felt like it’s burning me alive, wishing
that it was winter again. But no—I don’t want to remember what happened last
“Hello! Macy here~” she spoke, with her usual playful voice.
“Hi there. Anya’s home, right? I am about to get there, so see you later.”
“Woah, chill! Don’t be such in a hurry. Yes, she is here. Also, I baked muffins
for you guys!”
“Thanks for the treat, I guess. I’ll just go now, okay?”
I slipped my phone into my pocket, and went quickly to Anya’s place.
When I arrived outside the house, I heard a painful shriek.
I rushed quickly into her room, wasting not a single second. I went upstairs, and
saw Macy holding Anya with her arms, while the nurse administered her drugs into
her IV. I gasped for air, walking towards them with an exhausted gait.
Running out of breath, I spoke, “Anya… Anya… Uhhh, is she fine?”
The nurse replied, “No, she’s not. We have to send her to the hospital right now.”
This is devastating. I didn’t want her to deal with any more pain. I looked at her,
and she’s still gritting from the pain she just experienced. She was grasping for
her chest, which might mean that her heart was in problem. I went beside her bed
across Macy, and brushed her hair gently. With hushed words, I muttered, “It’s
going to be okay. Be strong, Anya. Be strong.”
She kept a pained expression. I could not imagine how much pain she just
experienced right now. It felt like I could feel her pain, too, but I was aware
that it’s not even close.
We went to the hospital, where she was confined to a bed. The doctor said, “She
might not survive very long. Anytime could actually be her end. We will closely
monitor her and keep you in contact for anything.”
For hours, I stayed in Anya’s room with her sister, while pondering about what to
do. Honestly, I didn’t know what to do. I was in complete hopelessness. What might
happen to her is beyond our control.
Breaking the silence of the room, I spoke to Anya. “Please be strong. I love
you. Please don’t give up…” I teared up, holding her hand tightly, hoping for a
miracle. Suddenly, her hand clenched, and she started screaming for pain.
“Anya— Uhhh… Macy! MACY! Call the doctor now!” I commanded.
“Okay, I’m at it!” She went out the room, panicking.
“Grett… Grett…” Anya spoke very softly.
“Anya…?” I said, holding her hand in despair.
“You know why Grett is your name?”
“Why? What is it?”
“It’s because… You’re the ‘grettest’ guy I ever loved.” She muttered, her face
I tried to say something, but I just smiled at her joke as my tears dropped on my
“Why are you doing this?” I spoke.
“Dear, I’m so sorry.”
I looked at her beautiful face, and wiped her flowing tears.
I said, “You don’t have to be sorry for anything. I love you.”
“Grett, there are a lot of things I want to tell you, but I don’t have much time.”
“Just tell me now, Anya.”
“No, we don’t have much time, I’m telling you. Here is a note. Read it later.”
As I took the note from her shirt pocket, she clenched her hands again, and
screamed for pain.
I couldn’t do anything. All I can think of, was to stay beside her. Somehow, this was
very painful to look at. I wished that we could just switch places, but that’s
Anya looked at me, smiled, and said, “Grett, I love you.”
Her eyes slowly closed, and her clenched hand lost strength. My tears flowed like
there’s no end. It felt like it was happening forever.
The doctor and nurses arrived, along with Macy. She was shocked, and we stepped
aside from the room. There was a commotion, and the doctor was trying to revive her.
I opened the note, hoping to know the answers I was looking for. I could hear them
trying to resuscitate her, and all while confused, I started reading.
Dear Grett, I’m so sorry for being stupid. Please forgive me for that.
You have been trying really hard to cheer me up, haven’t you?
I know that I’m going to die soon, so I’m going to tell you everything now. I
love you, Grett. And that is why I was trying to make you leave. I don’t want you
to get hurt even more.
But you are crazy persistent. I keep telling you to go, and you keep on coming
back. Finally, I realized, that maybe, just maybe, we can settle things before my
Remember the times when we played our favorite music in your car for hours? Damn
that was silly. There are a lot of things we can reminisce together, but it’s now
too late for that.
Grett, you are a weird person. You are silly, totally awkward, clumsy, and don’t
know how to talk to people. But you know, everything else about you is amazing to
me. You are resilient, patient, caring, passionate, and hard-working.
Thank you for not leaving me. Please take care of yourself. Take care of my
little sister. Don’t try to hide your emotions anymore. Even in our small time
together, you taught me one very important thing: Never give up on the one you
I love you, Grett. I really do.
I didn’t hear a beep anymore. My tears flowed endlessly, dampening the note that I
was reading. I looked at Macy, and she, too was crying. Macy hugged me tightly,
and there’s one thing that’s certain. The doctor said, “I’m sorry. She didn’t make
it.” I kept on weeping, repeating the words, “Anya… Anya…”
As I inspected the damp note once again, there was still a sentence left, which
was behind the fold.
Next time, let’s have a muffin tea party again.
I smiled and cried at the same time.